Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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