College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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