Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
