As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
