you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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