I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
