No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
