I just cut my nipple shaving
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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