just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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