He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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