is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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