she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
