sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
A+ Viking dick
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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