Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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