i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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