we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
