pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
