He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
