you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
