Your face is a jimmy john
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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