Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
