Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
