apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
