Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
