he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
