if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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