just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
