I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Also, beer. Big fan.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
