Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
