Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
