I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
