mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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