my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
