woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
