I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
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