Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
A+ Viking dick
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
