can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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