census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
