I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
