Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
