I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
