Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
