Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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