Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
