i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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