I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
