Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
