she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
