My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
