Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Randomize
