Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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