i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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