i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
